Ocean please help me drown these memories
by lemonlove
Summary: Takes place after 5x17. Kind of dark, but hopefully in a good way? Jason comes back to take his revenge on Peyton, and her decision to drop his band. Lucas sees what Peyton had done to the Rivercourt and decides he needs to fix things. Might be too late.
1. Chapter 1

He hated her. She wasn't surprised; if she was him she would hate her too. She should have never come back to Tree Hill. She tried to lie to herself, tried to make herself believe she wasn't coming back for Lucas, but she was. God she needed him, she loved him. It was a pure love, a real love and it was nothing but trouble. She didn't want it anymore. She would have done with it in a second if she could, but it wasn't a choice. And now not only was her love not returned, but he hated her. Peyton stood up and dusted the chalk off her jeans. She wanted to give him one last goodbye and had spent all night covering the river court in this mural. She needed him to know that no matter what, she would always love him. She picked up her chalk and put it all in a bag in the back of her car. She needed to get rid of this car when she got back to L.A. She needed a new life, she needed to start new, and she needed to be rid of this damn car. It was more trouble than it was worth. She smiled as she remembered when she had sent it to Keith's to have it repaired, and Lucas got a hold of her artwork. She never really believed in herself back then. She was always forcing herself into situations that just weren't hers, like cheerleading, and she forgot what it was that she really was good at. Lucas made her step back and look one more time at who she really was, not who she was pretending to be. She wouldn't be where she was now if it wasn't for him. But he had turned his back on her when she started to pursue her dream. He had ambushed her in LA with a proposal, and when she tried to make him understand that she wanted to, but needed to get a leg up in her career, he had left her, she just wished she could leave him.

She needed to make peace with herself, and reduce this pain in her heart to a dull throb, like an ache you just learn to live with, and the only way she was going to do that was leaving Tree Hill, for good this time.

She started her car and began driving towards her office. She had been packing all day, with Brooke's help, and everything was packed and ready to go, but she had forgotten some things in her desk. Her and Brooke were going to L.A. early in the morning so Brooke could make it on time for a meeting with some Macy's executives, so she needed to get them now. Peyton and Brooke would then spend some weeks together before Brooke headed back to Tree Hill, and Peyton restarted another L.A. life.

She parked her car in the lot, and slowly got out. It was nearing on 10:00, and she should really hurry. She needed to get some sleep before their flight.

* * *

He came to the court to shoot some hoops and clear his head, and then he saw what she had written on the court.

He couldn't believe she had done this. Lucas had to sit down, he was feeling a bit dizzy. The past few days had been such a blur for him. He had told Peyton that he hated her. He meant it. There was this fire in his veins every time he thought about her, and what made it worse was he couldn't stop thinking about her. Ever. When he said "I do" at the altar with Lindsey, he had meant it. He loved Lindsey because she was easier than Peyton to love, but he was also doing it because he wanted to prove to himself, and to Peyton, that he could be just fine without her. But the truth was he couldn't. Lindsey saw it, Haley saw it, he knew it, but he didn't want to admit it. When he saw the drawing on the court, he didn't know how to react. He wanted Peyton to be angry. He wanted her to yell at him, to say she hated him too. He wanted her to be mad at him, to say something that he could really hate her for just to make it easier. Instead silence. He heard nothing from her, and as each day went by he missed her more and more. He wanted to see her, wanted to hold her, wanted to reach his hand up and brush his fingers across her cheek. He wanted her to know how much he hurt for her, how hard it was for him to even draw a breath when she was in the same room and he hated her for it.

He only wished he had thought of telling the truth first. Instead of saying he hated her, why couldn't he have told her how he really felt. How much he loved her. How much he needed her. Pride? She had snubbed him. She had said no to him. He couldn't keep letting her play with his heart, it just hurt too much. He put his head in his hands and he, Lucas Scott, cried.

--

Peyton balanced a few empty boxes in her arms as she made her way up the narrow stairs to her office. She unlocked the door and stepped inside. She flipped on the light with one hand, and kicked the door shut behind her. She looked lovingly at her office. She loved it here, and really she didn't want to leave. She wanted to see Lucas one more time, she wanted to stay in Tree Hill. But she couldn't. She had screwed up by even coming to Tree Hill in the first place. She should have never talked to Lucas, or at the very least been distant with him when she did come back. Or she should have run after him when she woke up in the hotel room that morning after he had proposed to her, and he was gone. There was so much she should have just done differently. She felt a sob rising in her throat, anger and regret flooded her body. She threw the boxes at her desk in exasperation and fell to her knees. How was she ever going to get through this?

--

Lucas ran his hand through his hair and collected himself. He didn't have to do this. She loved him, and he knew that he loved her. But she had said no to him before. She hadn't even come to his book signing. She had shied away from him until she met Lindsey. Kind of like when she snubbed him, until he started dating Brooke. What was this thing they had between them?

* * *

Peyton pushed her hair back from her eyes and took a deep breath. She had to compose herself. She closed her eyes, straightened her back and took a deep breath.

"Well well, looks like I caught you at a good time bitch." That raspy voice was so familiar. Peyton didn't want to turn around. She had done this before, she didn't want to go through this again.

"Jason" she whispered.

"Yes indeed. Jason. Jason the rock god YOU failed. I took a chance on you and your stupid record label, and what do I get? You steal my keyboardist and song writer, make her famous, and I get left in the lurch. Not that we aren't doing perfectly fine without her, but that was NOT the deal. That was not what I signed up for."

Peyton started to rise, but before she could make it up her head was pulled back. Jason had grabbed her hair and was forcing her to her feet. She screamed in pain, and tried to elbow him in the stomach, but he grabbed her chin and smashed her face onto the surface of her desk. He turned her around and brought his face next to hers. "You didn't think you were going to actually get away with fucking me over did you? Now it's my turn"

* * *

Lucas dialed Peyton's number.

"Hi this is Peyton, I'm not at the phone right now, leave me a message!"

He wasn't going to say what he had to say to an answering machine. He hung up. Almost as soon as he did his phone started ringing again, it was Brooke.

"Hey Brooke"

"Lucas, I can't find Peyton. I'm so sorry I called you, but I didn't know who else to talk to. The Police said I had to wait . . ."

He cut her short "Brooke, slow down. What do you mean you can't find Peyton?"

"I've been calling her all evening. We have a flight early tomorrow. She said she would be home by 11 at least. It's almost two in the morning Lucas, this isn't like her, and I'm really worried."

"Have you called the office?"

"Only 100 times. I drove by earlier and there was no one there. I don't know what she's been doing"

She had probably been working on her little tribute to him when Brooke drove by the office. He had been on the court for almost three hours thinking to himself. So if he had come just as she'd finished, then she would have been missing for three hours. But where was she going in the morning?

"Brooke, what do you mean you guys have a flight in the morning."

"She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"  
"She's moving back to L.A. She said you knew. She's been kind of quiet for the last three days, then yesterday she said she was going to move back to L.A. and she'd come with me when I went to my Macy's meeting. I thought you knew, I figured you two had talked and that's why she had decided to leave."

"Brooke, I did something stupid."

Brooke was silent on the other end.

"Brooke, I told her I hated her."

Nothing.

"I wanted to hurt her Brooke. I wanted to hurt her because I was hurting. And I was drunk."

Nothing.

"Brooke, I just, I don't know. Brooke, I'm still in love with her."

"Yeah jerk, we all knew that. What took you so damn long?"

"I don't know. I just, Lindsey, and I wanted to be ok without Peyton, I just didn't want to keep hurting because of her, I wanted to let it all go."

"So you just found the best way to hurt her instead. I can't believe you told her you hate her. That explains how she's been acting these past few days. Yesterday I saw her running a whole string of red lights in front of the store. I didn't know what to think. It's almost as bad as when her mom, well moms, died."

Lucas remembered when Peyton was bitter about her mother dying in a car accident because she ran a red light. He caught her running as many red lights as she could, not understanding why she could run so many, and nothing would happen to her, but one red light and her mom was dead. He had sat with her through one of those excursions, trying to get her to slow down. Her face was so calm, so calculated. He had loved her then as much as he did now, and he hated to know that this time, he was the cause of her pain.

" I was drunk."

"That's not an excuse."

This time it was Luc's turn to be silent.

"Let's just find her Lucas. I want to go check her office again."

"I'm already by there, I'll go. I'll call you when I get there."

Brooke hung up, and Lucas got back into his car and started driving towards Peyton's office.

* * *

Jason brought turned Peyton around and jammed his knee into her stomach. She fell in a heap to the floor, unable to breath, making guttural sounds, trying to scream. He kicked her, aiming again for the stomach, and she tried to grab his leg, but he just kicked her away.

"Get up bitch, I'm not through with you."

He pulled her up again by her hair and brought his face close to hers. The smell of beer was seeping from every poor, and saturated his breath. His clothes smelt like cigarettes.

"That was supposed to be ME with an album you fucking back stabber!"

He kneed her again and she clutched her stomach. She was sobbing uncontrollably. One part of her wanted to fight back. She could get to her desk. She had a knife in her top desk drawer. She could easily get to it. Another part of her just didn't care. Just wanted to fall to the floor and let it be. It would be an easy end to everything. But she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He pulled her up by her hair again, but this time she was ready. She pushed her thumbs into his eye sockets. As he clawed at her hands he had to let go of her hair, and she ran and made a leap to the desk, crawling over the top to get to the desk drawer. She got it open but too late. He grabbed her by her leg and pulled her to the floor. She grabbed a pen as she felt herself being pulled back, and stabbed him in the arm. He screamed but didn't let go of her. She blacked out for a moment as her head hit the floor. He kicked her again, this time on her side, and she screamed. He pulled out the pen that was lodged in his arm, and kicked her again.

* * *

Lucas pulled into the parking lot. Her car was there! He breathed a sigh of relief. She was probably just working late, or had fallen asleep on her desk. He picked up his phone and called Brooke.

"Lucas?"

"Hey Brooke, I'm at the office, she's here. Her car's in the lot, and the lights are on upstairs. I'm going up."

"Be gentle with her Luc. She really loves you."  
" I love her too. Brooke, I'm going to tell her. Maybe we can take it slow, let things kind of bring themselves back together."

"Sounds good. And talk to her about L.A. I wish she'd stay here. It's been good for her. Of course other than the you and her thing. You too were always so weird."

"Yeah, well."

" Anyways, have her call me. I was so worried."

"I will."

He closed his phone, got out of his car. He was nervous, but at the same time kind of relieved that he was finally going to tell her. How would she react? He used the button on his keys to lock it, and when he did it gave out two shrill beeps that penetrated the silent night air.

* * *

"Now how do you feel? Wish you'd have just shut up and done what I'd asked like a good girl, don't you?" Jason's face was scarlet from all the effort he was exerting hurting Peyton, taking out his frustrations and failures as an artist and a person, on her.

Peyton didn't answer. "I said don't you!" Jason screamed. He was crouched down on the floor beside her, and he gave and emphasizing slap on her face, to accentuate his 'don't you,' and to elicit the obvious answer.

"Fuck you," Peyton managed to whisper. Her head was spinning. She was sure she was going to black out again soon. Her whole body hurt. It felt like one of her ribs was broken when he kicked her in the side. On hearing her defiance Jason let out a blood curling scream, pulled Peyton up to her knees and punched her in the face. She fell again, indifferent to the next reign of assaults he dealt her. He stood over her for a minute in silence, catching his breath. In that moment, they both heard the beep of a car door locking. Peyton barely registered the sound. It was strangely familiar, but she was barely hanging onto what consciousness she had, and wasn't in the state of mind for that train of thought. Jason was acutely aware of what it meant though, and looked out the window. He saw someone making their way towards the office. He took a look at Peyton and considered his options. He was at least sober enough to know not everyone might share his sense of justice.

"This isn't over," he said calmly then made his way hastily out of the room.

* * *

Lucas made his way to the stairs leading up to Peyton's office. He got up the first two before he noticed someone was running down the stairs. He didn't get a good look at his face, though he looked slightly familiar. He pushed Lucas out of the way and onto the floor as he ran off out of the parking lot, into the street. Lucas picked himself up, at first not understanding what that could have meant, but then a sudden terror seized him and he ran up the stairs two at a time. He didn't know how to react when he made it to the top, peered into the office, and saw Peyton there on the floor, trying to get up, trying to cry and scream at the same time, but unable to do any of those things. Lucas made his way to her. There was blood on her face, and on the floor next to her. She was bleeding from a cut on her head and wounds on her side. He tried to pick her up, but when she saw him she pushed him away. "Get away, leave me alone" she whispered "I don't need your pity."  
"Peyton. . . Peyton what ha . . . " He realized the futility of his words " Peyton, I love you, Peyton, I've got you." He held onto her. She tried pulling away, getting up. She didn't want him to keep rescuing her. She couldn't rely on him anymore. "Stop saving me" she managed to whisper. She was too weak, dizzy, her body went limp and she went unconscious. Lucas, still holding her, grabbed her cell phone from the floor next to her, and dialed 911.

* * *

Brooke was crying onto Haley's shoulder. Haley held Brooke tight, holding back her own tears. They sat in the waiting room along with Nathan, Mouth and Skills, just having heard from the doctor that Peyton might not make it through the night.

"She hit her head one too many times. I just don't know. Tonight is up to her. If she can make it through tonight then she'll be just fine. We'll monitor her closely. You should all go home and get some sleep. We'll contact you if there are any changes."

He'd looked at Brooke when he said all this, unable to face all of Peyton's friends with the news he wish he didn't have to give. This girl had broken two ribs on her right side and was bleeding internally. Her spleen had been ruptured, she had a skull fracture and worst of all, it seemed like she didn't care what happened to her. If she could just make it through the night, she would be fine. She had been fluttering in and out of consciousness at first, and he tried to get her to focus on something, so say something, to keep her awake, but she just seemed indifferent. She had 

muttered several names in between hallucinations. One of them was "Jason" whom Peyton's friend Haley had recognized as a potential suspect, and notified the police. He had given Peyton a dose of something to help her sleep, and some morphine to abate the pain. She just needed to make it through tonight. Tonight the worst would be over.

* * *

_So dizzy, hurt like hell. Jason, Jason. It was Jason. Needed to get up. Just get up. Scream, someone could hear, help. Side hurts so much. Move, move, get up, phone. Hands, someone calling her name, Lucas. He hated her. Move, can't, anyone else, not him not him not him please not him, not like this . . ._

* * *

Lucas had ridden in the ambulance with Peyton, holding her hand the whole way, and now sat in her bed next to her. He couldn't believe this would happen to her. And this time he wasn't there. She was all alone. If he had just been honest with himself, they would be alright. Hell, he could have waited for her, they'd be married by now. She would be ok. She wouldn't have been out in the middle of the night.

Brooke came into the room, "Lucas, I'll sit with her tonight. You go home and get some rest."

"I can't Brooke. If you don't mind, I'd like to stay with her tonight."

Brooke looked at Lucas sympathetically. "Lucas, this is in no way anyone's fault. We'll find whoever did this, and he will go to jail. Just like" the words got caught in her throat and she whispered "just like last time." She couldn't bring herself to say Psycho Derek. It seemed almost comical to refer to him like that, and she didn't feel the slight bit funny right now. Her best friend was lying unconscious on a hospital bed. Plus, it would bring back memories she couldn't bear just now.

"Yeah, I keep telling myself that Brooke. But I just can't help thinking what if . . ."

"No what if's Lucas. This is right now, we can't live off what if's. The whole point is that they didn't happen. This asshole would have gotten to Peyton one way or another. If you're to blame, so is each and every one of her friends for not being there. Go home Luc. Get some sleep. Come back early."

Lucas was silent for a moment.

"I can't leave Brooke. I just, can't. You go home, and come back in the morning. I'll go take a shower and stuff then."

Brooke nodded. She knew how he felt, and she didn't want to push him. She quietly left the room and headed home.

Lucas held Peyton's hand to his forehead. "I'm so sorry." He whispered to her. "So, so sorry. I should have never lied to you, I should have waited for you. I should have been strong for you. Lindsey was so easy, so easy to love. I wanted to hurt you. It was childish, stupid, Peyton, for me to push you away. I knew I couldn't. When you came back to Tree Hill, it was fate. I was so happy you had come back. I couldn't wait to see you. Every time I saw you my breath got caught in my throat, I wanted so bad to just hold you. To just hold on and never let go. I should have been honest with myself and with you from the beginning. I love you Peyton Sawyer. I love you. I can't live without you, please Peyton. Please. Just hold on, and I'll make it up to you, I promise."

* * *

_She could hear a voice. His voice. He hated her. What was she doing. He hated her. She loved him. A voice. He hated her. Pain. Open eyes, open them. Where am I. Ambulance. He hated her. He was sitting next to her. Holding her hand. Stretcher. Like on TV. He hated her, but he was right there. Right there next to her. Holding her hand. Doctor over her. White coat. White coat. Saying something. Just need to rest. Just a bit. He was there holding her hand. Brooke. Sleep. Was he saying something. He loved her. Please Peyton. Please. Hold on. So tired._

* * *

Brooke sat on her couch sipping at a glass of wine. How the hell did it all come to this? They were so happy. Peyton was hurting, but her label was doing so well. She was putting the pieces back together. She didn't want her to move to L.A. but she understood. Her and that curly blonde had gone through so much together. Granted they'd put each other through so much, but she knew she could count on her. She wanted so bad to be in the hospital with her. To hold her hand and just see her. But she understood Lucas NEEDED it. Everyone knew he loved Peyton, the two were cursed forever. They were doomed to each other. Why couldn't he see it?

She saw it. Very early on. And she let go of him. He had been her first love. It wasn't just sex when it was with Lucas and ever since then she'd just been looking for another Lucas, but it never seemed to work out.

Brooke took another sip of her wine. She just wanted Peyton to be ok. Please dear god, let Peyton be ok.

Lucas woke with a start. The bright light of the digital clock beside Peyton's bed shined on his face. 4:13 am.

Lucas stretched his arms up, yawned and looked at Peyton. She was still sleeping. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. He put his head in his hands and fell back asleep.

* * *

_Hold on, hold on hold on holdonholdonholdon._

Peyton was not a quitter. Never. She'd done it too many times. She'd played the unable, the weak. She was never going there again. She wasn't going to give Jason that satisfaction. She had her label even if she didn't have Lucas. She had Brooke. She was going to be an aunt when Brooke got her baby. She had Haley's new album to look forward to. She had whispers of her father. She was going to meet Jake in L.A. to possibly work on an album with him too. She hadn't heard from him in ages, and all of a sudden he was inquiring about her label. Just hold on. She loved Lucas. She loved Lucas with every fiber of her being, and maybe she could live with that. She wouldn't be the only one who loved but wasn't loved back. She would bear her burden, she just hated that she had come back to Tree Hill. She just hated that he hated her.

And then Jason. She was going to have that bastard in jail if it was the last thing she ever did.

With that last thought she opened her eyes. Enough lazing about. She took a quick glance around the room. Oh god, Lucas was there. He was holding her hand, his head laying on the bed beside her. Her eyes started watering. God he was beautiful. But she didn't want him here. She didn't want him to pity her, to feel obligated to her. To feel like he had to take care of her. That's why he left her, and she knew it. She was too hard, too much to love. She didn't want to be a burden on him, since he so clearly hated her. She stifled her sobs as she slowly pulled her hand out from his. There was an IV in her other arm. She took it out, and removed the crap stuck all over her. All these wires. She needed to get up, she needed to be gone before he woke up. She couldn't talk to him, she couldn't face him right now, not until she got her bearings. She'd start crying in front of him. She remembered the last time she was this weak, in the library after the shooting, she'd kissed him. She hadn't meant to, and she didn't want to open that door again now. She was still silently crying as she pulled the last wire from her chest. But as soon as she'd removed it one of the machines she'd been attached to started beeping incessantly. She quickly put her hands over her ears, it was so loud. Lucas' head shot up, a startled look on his face, and nurses rushed in. When they saw she was relatively ok and certainly not dead, they turned off the heart monitor and attempted to lay her back down in bed. She tried to tell them she needed to get up, but her voice was hoarse. She was too weak to fight them, and so she just stared at the wall as they got her back into the bed. She couldn't bear to look at him. If she did she would never be able to leave.

"No getting out of bed dear. We're so glad you're awake. We'll get the doctor in here. We knew you'd pull through. I'm just happy for your boy over there. He's been crying over you all night." She winked at Peyton, and Peyton blushed. Most of the nurses had left, and there was only the one left, her gray hair tied in a tight bun at the nape of her neck. After she had checked and double checked all of Peyton's wires and tubes, she told Peyton to rest, letting her know the doctor would be in soon, and left the room. Peyton continued to stare at the wall opposite Lucas.

"Peyton. . ."

His voice made her start crying again. "Peyton, please listen to me. Peyton, I love you. Peyton, I love you, I don't hate you. I was so angry at you, and I realize how wrong I was. I should have just pulled through. Peyton I should have waited. I, Peyton, I don't know what to say other than I love you. I am so sorry, and I love you Peyton. I was so scared you weren't going to make it."

This was all really too much for him. He was so used to being angry. He didn't cry. It wasn't like him at all, but it also wasn't like him to tell Peyton he hated her.

Peyton wouldn't look at him, afraid she wouldn't be able to hold it together. He put his hand up and pulled her hair back behind her ear. He sat back, waiting for anything from her.

How could he do this to her. How could he say he hated her, then say he loved her! She couldn't take this anymore, her heart hurt so bad. When he put his hand up to pull her hair behind her ear she thought she would die. She waited a moment, unsure what to say, what to do. But she loved him too much. Even in this fleeting instant, she would take what she could get. She turned around slowly, the tears still in her eyes, and grabbed his hand. She squeezed it, and he kissed her forehead. Right now she didn't want to say anything. She didn't want to ruin this. They could take their time. She could yell later. But for right now, just right now, she wanted it to all be alright.


	2. Chapter 2

PART 2, ONE WEEK LATER

"Alright Mrs. Sawyer, you're ready to go. You've made very good recovery. You'll need to come back in two weeks to get those stitches removed, and of course you'll need to get plenty of rest, but I'm confident you'll make a full recovery and be back to normal give or take three weeks." The doctors smiled at Peyton, somewhat sad to see her go. She had been funny, witty, and had taken the whole situation well, considering.

"So I'm free to go?"

"You're free to go."

Peyton gave a sigh of relief. This was perfect timing. Lucas had gone home to take a shower, on her request. He smelled terrible. Brooke had to go to L.A. for her meeting and wouldn't be back till tomorrow. Perfect timing. Haley was at school, Nathan off practicing. Lucas had called just about a dozen people trying to get someone to come and sit with her, but she assured him with nurses coming in just about every 10 minutes, she'd be perfectly fine. Just perfect timing.

--

Lucas washed the soap off his body, letting the hot water pound over his back. This past week had been a dream. He'd hated that Peyton was hurting, but happy she was tied to one spot for awhile. They'd talked almost all day, every day that week. Hashed things out, mulled them over. They'd decided they would take things a little slow. Start from the beginning. The flirting, the dating, the sex, then maybe the couple thing. Maybe this time they could work it out. He promised to be more open with her, she promised to be more patient. It felt right starting over, as if maybe they could remove the taints the past held over them. This time they could start from before Brooke, from before Lindsey. She didn't have to be Peyton Sawyer from high school, she could be Peyton Sawyer from L.A., Peyton Sawyer, owner of Red Bedroom Records. He stepped out of the shower and dried off. She had told him she proposed to Jake. At first he was upset with her, but she told him how Jake had turned her down because he realized they were both young, that Peyton still had Lucas in her heart, as well as her future ahead of her. Then he just felt stupid. He should have done that. Have allowed her to blossom, to build a life for herself. He should have learned from Nathan's mistake. Haley loved Nathan enough to give touring up for him, but in the end both Nathan and Haley realized that is not what either of them wanted, and now Haley was trying to start her singing career over, and Nathan his basketball career.

Lucas tied the towel around his waist and walked over to his front room. He picked up the telephone and dialed Peyton's room number. No answer. Lucas hung up, unsure what that meant. Maybe the nurses took her outside for a bit? He dialed again. No answer. He called her cell phone. No answer. Lucas tried not to panic. He had been so worried about Peyton. With Psycho Derek he had made a mistake that ended up hurting both Peyton and Brooke. He wasn't going to do the same thing again. He didn't want Peyton alone, or Brooke for that matter, until Jason was caught. Lucas quickly got dressed, got in his car, and drove to the hospital.

He made his way to Peyton's room, pushed open the door only to find her bed empty, and even worse, it was made. The room was clean. Her stuff was gone from the bathroom, the closet empty. He ran outside and grabbed the arm of the first nurse he saw. "Where is she, room 201, right there, where'd she go?" He tried very hard not to yell in frustration. The nurse looked at Lucas like he was crazy. "She was discharged. She left about 30 minutes ago." Lucas stared at the nurse in disbelief. Maybe she had gone home? He went back to the room, looking to see if she left anything. A white piece of paper, folded, on the bed stead, his name written in black sharpie on the front. How had he missed that earlier?

He fumbled to open the paper, his hands shaking. It's nothing, she'd gone home he reassured himself. His eyes scanned the paper quickly then raised his eyes to the ceiling. What the hell was she doing?

--

"Hi this is Peyton, I'm not at the phone right now, leave me a message!"

Brooke had tried calling the hospital as soon as she'd gotten to her hotel, but there was no answer. And now Peyton's cell phone was going straight to the answering machiene. "Hey P.Sawyer. Just checking up on my favorite blond. Everything here has been great, the new line has turned out to be a big hit! Who would have thought baby clothing was so lucrative, and oh so fun! Call me back, I'm worried about you." Brooke shut the phone and stared at it for minute. Maybe her and Lucas were having a make-out session. About damn time. Hell, she wouldn't answer the phone either in that case. Brooke then decided to call Haley and try to get the scoop on how Lucas and Peyton were doing. Haley had been hovering over the pair like a hawk. They were being so secretive and hush hush about everything.

"Brooke?"

"Hey Hales!"

"What's up? How's everything in L.A.?"

"Everything is great! You are going to want another baby, a girl this time, when you see the new line!"

"I don't know about that, but I'm glad to hear it's going well! Hey listen, I'm kind of busy right now, but just to let you know, Lucas says him and Peyton are going to try starting everything over, and they're both doing fine. Peyton is rather perky, for lack of a better work, and considering the circumstances, and Lucas is more relaxed. Things are definitely looking up."

"How awesome! That's great. Is he at the hospital right now?"

"No, he ran home to go take a shower. He asked me to go sit in with her but she said she wanted me working on the record and that Lucas was just being paranoid. Why do you ask?"

Brooke was silent for a minute. Maybe the nurses had just taken her out for some sun?

"No reason. Thanks Hales. I won't keep you long. See you tonight?"

"See you tonight!"

Brooke closed her cell phone and rang for a bell boy. She wanted to get her bags downstairs and start towards the air port.

--

Peyton brought the top down on her car. She's been driving since she'd left the hospital. She had called Mia to tell her what she was doing, because only Mia would understand. She wasn't going to let Jason get away with what he did. She was sick and tired of just running away from things, or just waiting for them to get better, or just preparing for the worst. This time she was going to take things into her own hands, she was calling the shots. She knew assholes well enough to know that Jason wasn't going to quit on his own, and that he wasn't done exacting his revenge. She thought maybe this time he was going to go after Mia. Mia was scheduled to perform in Atlanta in two days, and coincidentally so was Jason's old band mates, this time with a new key boardist and a new ring leader. She knew if she just passed through every seedy bar in town she'd eventually find Jason, probably drunk and fucking some prostitute in the corner. She didn't know what she was going to do when she found him, but she figured she'd just play it by ear. She had a switch blade in the trunk of her car. Maybe she could use that.

She had thought about leaving all this to the police, but a fat lot of good that did her the last time. They had said the same words, uttered the same assurances and encouragements. They didn't find Derek and they wouldn't find Jason. But she would.

She pressed on the gas pedal just a little harder. She was pushing 90 on a back road with the top of her convertible down and drove into the sunset.

--

"I don't know. She's gone after Jason, that's all I know!"

"Lucas! What is she going to do if she finds him? He's bigger, stronger. He's proved that much!"

"I don't know Brooke, I just don't know."

The minute Brooke arrived in Tree Hill she called Lucas. She was driving towards the hospital straight from the air port, and did a very illegal u-turn when Lucas told her Peyton wasn't there, and that he didn't know where Peyton actually was. Go after Jason? Was she crazy? While Brooke was surprised as this new brash Petyon, she wasn't completely shocked. Peyton was tired on being stepped on. Lucas' latest debacle with Lindsey was the last straw for Peyton. She didn't want to be waiting any longer for anyone, Lucas for one, and now the police she assumed.

--

Peyton walked into one sleazy bar after another, the smell of cigarettes, urine and booze the most prevalent aspect of each. The lights were low but she knew Jason wouldn't be hard to spot. In fact, five bars later, she was sure she saw him over on the side of the bar, hitting on some not so attractive broads. Peyton had called Mia that morning to warn her, asking Mia to please let Peyton deal with this. Mia was at first outraged that Jason would do anything so vulgar, but she wasn't surprised. She herself has been the brunt of some of his drunken violence. She had worked so hard to get out from under him, and when Peyton offered her a chance at a record it was like a dream come true. She too had found a way to break free of waiting for Jason, and wanted nothing more to do with him. The fact that he was bent on revenge and not in shackles had Mia agreeing with Peyton's conclusion that she was next, albeit begrudgingly. This was not Mia's first time in Atlanta. When she was in Jason's band they had made frequent stops in Atlanta, and she knew a couple of places Jason was likely to be haunting. She listed them off to Peyton and put her pepper spray in her pocket. Jason hated pepper spray with a passion, not that anyone was particularly fond of it. But she knew from experience that Jason hated it passionately.

It was him. Peyton could recognize that voice anywhere, and as she inched her way closer she could recognize his tattoos, one now marred by a scar from the pen she'd lodged into his arm. Peyton carefully made her way towards the bar. She had died her hair black, cut it and straightened it in an attempt to make herself less visible to the cursory glance. It worked. Jason looked her way, not making eye contact, but enough to where he might have recognized her. She quickly turned away and sat at a table. Jason walked toward her, laughing hysterically. He'd found her, he was coming towards her, she wasn't ready. Her heart was beating uncontrollably, she thought she'd faint. But he walked right past her. She turned to follow him with her eyes. The bathroom. He was being trailed by one of those not so attractive women. His beer still sat at the bar and the bar tender was busy at the other end, talking to yet another one of those women. They looked like they did nothing but meth all day, their skin cracked and scarred, their teeth yellow their hair thin and stringy. Peyton slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out a package of white powder. She had made sure to drop by Tree Hill's well known drug corner to pick up some supplies. She especially wanted a package of the date rape drug. Once, while still in high school, she'd attended a college party with Brooke and someone had slipped it into her drink. It really did the trick. Peyton shoved the memory into the back of her mind. Lucas had taken care of her then, going back to the party trying to figure out what it was that was slipped into her drink. She had the same with her now.

The dealer had told her half a packet would do the trick. She poured the whole thing in. She had a back up in case he didn't drink it. But apparently Jason had only gone back for a quickie. He made his way towards the counter as Peyton made her way to the pool tables. She found a table of fairly horney men and blended into the group, watching Jason out of the corner of her eye. He drank the whole thing. He put his hand to his head and made his way to the bathrooms again. This time Peyton followed him. He stumbled, tripping over his own feet. As they reached the hallway where the bathrooms were located she checked to make sure no one was watching and slipped her hand around Jason's waist, supporting him, and walking him towards the exit sign at the end of the hallway, leading into an alley. Fucker was gonna get it.

"What the hell . . . my head." He put his hand to his head and tried to say something else, but it only came out as a series of mumbles. They were almost there. He was getting heavier by the minute as he was less able to support himself, and the drugs raged through his system. She was kind of hoping he would recognize her enough for her to get a reaction out of him. Fear would be nice.

She kicked open the door and shoved him through. He fell to the floor, his chin hitting the pavement first. He groaned, and she kicked him.

"How does that feel asshole!" She kicked him again. She didn't know how it made him feel, but she feel pretty fucking good. Now she just needed to get him in her car. She had also brought 15 feet of thick twine. She didn't know what she was going to do with him, but whatever it was, it was going to hurt. She dragged him to the back parking lot where she'd parked her car.

"Need help little lady?"

A man in a ten gallon hat was smoking his cigarette at the back of the bar.

"Sorry, my boyfriend just had too much to drink. I'll be fine." Just a few more feet.

She opened the back door of her car and managed to inch Jason into the back seat, smiling at the cowboy staring at her. He shook his head, put out his cigarette and went back inside. Peyton finally got Jason all the way into the car. She pulled out her twine from the trunk and tied his hands behind his back, and the tied him around his feet and knees as well. She elbowed him in the crotch for good measure. Another groan but nothing more. She was just getting started.

"Peyton!" Peyton hit her head on the top of the car as she was crawling out. She had been so intent on getting Jason tied and fantasizing about just what she was going to do next she was surprised by the voice, much less one calling her name.

"Mia?"

"You found him huh. He's, um, rather lifeless"

"I didn't kill him Mia."

"Peyton, what are you doing?"

"I'm just going to give the bastard what he deserves." Peyton made her way to her front door. Mia ran towards Peyton and put a hand on her arm.

"Peyton, he's not worth it. He's scum, but he isn't worth it. Take him to the police station. I'll come with you."

Peyton was quiet for a moment, reflecting on her choices at this exact moment, and what they could mean for her.

"I've always played by the rules. I've done what's right. It doesn't get me anywhere Mia. I'm tired of it, and I want done with this ass." Her voice was rising, so she brought it back down. "I want revenge Mia. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe I'll feed him acid and have his throat burned so he can never sing again. Maybe I'll cut off his fingers too, so he can't ever play again. I don't know what I'm going to do to him Mia, but I'm fucking DONE with being screwed over and over again by fucking jerks. It's my turn!" He voice again. Too loud. Bring it down a notch. " I guess if this poor fuck had been earlier I wouldn't have him bound in the back of my car just about now, but as it stands he's getting the brunt of it. I can't say I'm entirely sorry."

Peyton looked at Mia one last time and got into her car, which had seen it's share of Peyton's escapades, but nothing like this.

Mia uttered one last half-hearted protest, but she herself wasn't entirely sorry. The only thing she was sorry about was she hadn't tried it herself. Mia moved to the right of the car as Peyton backed up, and she contemplated getting into the passenger seat. But then Jason would have won again. If Peyton got caught and she was with her . . . Jason just wasn't worth it. She wished Peyton could see that, but she realized this wasn't just about Jason for the curly blond. This was about revenging life. Good thing she had called Brooke when Peyton had first called her with the plan to essentially kidnap Jason. But where would Peyton take him? She would need someplace quiet. Secluded. . . The Rage! An old warehouse turned club turned empty. Mia had told Peyton about it ages ago! It was one of the first concerts Mia had every played and she had a certain love for the place, and she had described it in detail to Peyton, right down to its demise. Maybe there? Mia called Brooke again.

The Rage. Who named a club, 'The Rage?' She had to say though, it was perfect for her needs. Perfect place, perfect name. She remembered when Mia had first described it to her, and they had both chuckled at the name. She remembered the caress in Mia's voice as she described every inch of it, and it's whole history. She almost cried as she told Peyton how empty and quiet it was now that the whole district had been abandoned for a new hipper - code word for richer - part of town. Peyton had reached the street that The Rage was on, and turned on her brights so she could see better. There it was, in all it's run down splendor, vines trailing up the front steps, the sign with the name stenciled in red on black wood weather worn. She pulled up into the parking lot and turned her car off. She stepped out and opened the back door. She grabbed Jason's legs and pulled. He was much heavier than she had anticipated. Or she was just weak. She hadn't eaten since she'd left Tree Hill two days ago, but she just wasn't hungry. Jason's head hit the gravel floor of the parking lot. Sounded painful. Perfect.

It took all of Peytons strength to drag Jasons' body to the front steps of the warehouse, and more energy than she thought she possessed to drag him up those steps. He moaned several times, but she had him tied tight. If he woke up, all the sooner she could start. Peyton left Jason on the porch of the building and tried to door. Locked. She kicked at it but it wouldn't budge. There was a window to the right of the door, perfect. She punched it in, so eager to get inside she didn't even notice the blood trailing down the side of her arm. She used her elbow to break off more glass, and crawled inside. She made her way in the dark to the front door and unlocked it. She dragged Jason inside and left him lying on the floor while she went back to her car for a flashlight. Peyton wasn't even thinking at this point. She wasn't processing or ruminating over anything. She was just going to do this. She didn't exactly know what this was, but whatever it turned out to be it was going to involve pain. Lots and lots of pain. Peyton shined the flashlight on Jason's face. He was still passed out, though he was moaning a lot more frequently now. The side of his head was covered in blood from his encounter with the gravel. As she sat there waiting for him to wake up little whispers of conscience began to creep into her head. She tried to ignore them, push them away. This asshole was probably going to kill her if Lucas hadn't showed up. But this wasn't really about Jason. In the end this was about Lucas too. And Psycho Derek. And about her mom, and Ellie. It was about Jake and her dad never being around. This was about always hurting, but never hurting anyone else. Screw karma. As far as she was concerned she deserved a nice long streak of luck right about now, but no one was counting, so why should she? Peyton glanced at her watch. Midnight. And he was still passed out? She knew she'd given him a lot of the drug, but she figured he was rather large. He could handle it. What if he died? Peyton realized she wasn't even worried about him dying before she could beat the shit out of him, she was just worried he would die. So obviously this escapade did not include him dying. What then? If he wasn't dead by the time she was done, what could she do with him? If she let him go, there was no doubt in her mind he would hunt her down to her grave, and he certainly wouldn't hesitate in killing her. She could call it quits now. He wouldn't know better. He didn't see her pour the drugs into his drink. The only person who knew what had happened was the cowboy and Mia. Mia probably wouldn't say anything, and who'd think to ask the cowboy? Peyton kicked Jason in the back. Hard. She let out a blood curling scream that could have shattered the windows. She started crying and kicked Jason again. Why was she always so god damn good? Put herself together and pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket. She pushed the power button to turn it on. 15 missed calls. She chose not to view them and instead called Mia.

"Peyton!" Mia answered on the second ring. "Mia, I'm leaving him here. He hasn't even woken up yet, but I'm done. You're right, he's not worth it." Peyton worked hard to keep down her sobs.

"Peyton, I know you're probably at the Rage. I'm going to call the police and leave an anonymous tip that he's there. That way he'll rot in jail the way he's supposed to. I'm also going to press charges against him myself Peyton. Between you and I the bastard'll be wrinkled by the time he's out. I want you to come stay with me right now. I'm staying at the Hilton. Brooke and Lucas are here with me Peyton. They actually just got in." Silence on the other line. "Peyton?"

"Yeah, you should call the police." Peyton hung up, and shut off her phone again. She stuck it in her back pocket. She sat there on her knees for minute then made her way to the window. She picked up a shard of glass from the floor. It was long, coming to a perfect point at the end, the bottom wider, like a knife. Just like a knife. She traced her wrist with the point of the shard lightly. He was still going to get out one day, wrinkled or not. And so was Psycho Derek. She could handle what they dished out. But Lucas. He was going to leave just like everyone else one day. She just didn't know if she wanted to go through that again. She pushed the point into her skin and dragged it along upwards, slowly, watching her skin break and small beads of blood form along a perfect line. She felt so stupid sitting here on a dirty floor, crying. Suddenly she heard thrashing behind her, and more groaning, snapping her out of her revere. Jason would wake up soon, and the police might get there even sooner. Peyton shook her head, and ran out the front door, into her car, and sped away.


	3. Chapter 3

Mia paced the tiny hotel room from the window to the door over and over, Lucas sat on the bed, his head in his hands, and his elbows on his knees. Brooke sat on the recliner in the corner calling Peyton's cell phone over and over again. The police had arrived at the old warehouse and found blood on the floor, broken glass, cut twine, and Jason trying to make an escape out the window. He was highly uncoordinated and the police were able to get him in cuffs quickly. They didn't even bother to question why he was at the abandoned club. He looked drunk to them, and he couldn't really remember how he had gotten there anyways. He also had no explanation to why it was hard for him to move and why he was so sore and bruised.

All of Peyton's friends had been relieved to know that Jason had been caught. They had spent the night in Mia's hotel room, hoping to hear from Peyton as well, but there was nothing but silence. Lucas and Brooke finally decided they were useless in Atlanta, and made their way back to Tree Hill, in case Peyton had returned. Mia extended her stay in Atlanta by a couple of days in case Peyton was still there. They were all besides themselves with worry, especially Lucas. Now that he had finally told Peyton how much he loved her, he was hoping to get a chance to prove it to her. To right some of his own wrong, and to hold her, wake up in the morning with her beside him. Go out to cheesy picnics in the afternoons. Just be with her. Now it seemed he was constantly just trying to find her. Find her heart buried beneath what Jason had awoken in her, find her physically in a city he knew virtually nothing about. And worry. Worry that he might never find her.

Lucas and Brooke were silent the whole ride to Tree Hill. Brooke was lost in her own thoughts and Lucas was busy trying to keep the car above 90 without crashing.

Peyton didn't even bother to go home for a change of clothes, or sleep, to shower or to eat. She didn't need anything physical right now, so instead she went straight to the Tree Hill cemetery. She had taken her sweet time getting to Tree Hill and had arrived close to midnight. She had stopped at every bonafide tourist spot, and every quasi tourist spot along the way. A six hour drive had taken her almost 20 hours. All at once she wanted to be home, but didn't want to be home. She had almost killed somebody. She had ran away from Lucas. No matter what happened to her Peyton could always count on her own integrity, her own honesty. There was a time when she could have turned to drugs, and she didn't. Plenty of times she could have shoved a knife in someone's back and claimed self defense. She could have killed Psycho Derek right on those steps if she wanted. But she didn't. She didn't want to. But this time she had wanted to, and she felt like she didn't know who she was anymore and those things that were familiar to her, were unexplainably strange and different. Including Tree Hill.

She made her way to her Mother's grave, and sat down in front of it. She wanted to say something, to tell her mom everything. She wanted to hope her mother could hear her and send 

her a sign but she didn't even feel like she could do that. Instead of words, all she could get out were tears. She didn't want to be that person that loved no one, that was irreparably scared by the bad cards they were dealt. She wouldn't be that person. She made this promise to herself and to her mother. She tried to staunch the tears, she wrapped her arms around herself trying to hold it in.

"You don't have to do this alone Peyton."

She recognized that voice, and the first thing that came to her mind was safe. It was safe. He pulled her hair back behind her ear and stroked her head.

"Jake, I don't know how much more I can handle." Peyton turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, not even questioning his presences, and no longer trying to hold anything. The tears came freely and she sat there in his arms until she fell asleep.

Peyton awoke the next morning to the pungent smell of strong coffee. She opened her eyes and looked around her. It was Jakes old house! How the hell did she get here?

The night before started working itself out in her mind. Jake was in Tree Hill. How did he find her? Why was he down here? JAKE was in Tree Hill! He was supposed to be in L.A. They were going to meet next week so she could hear his work, why was he here. . .

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.

"Come in"

"Hey. Brought you some coffee" Jake walked in with a tray and a lot more than just coffee. Peyton pulled herself up in the bed and he set the tray on her lap. He looked at her and she could tell her had a million questions. She wasn't sure if she was ready to talk, and she had a few questions of her own. She took a bite of the toast in front of her and her stomach started doing cartwheels. She tried some of the coffee but it didn't help much. She put her hand to her head, she was feeling a bit dizzy.

"Brought something for that too." He said, producing two tablets of Tylenol. "Wouldn't be surprised if you caught yourself a nice cold after your outing yesterday.

Peyton smiled and swallowed the pills.

"Thanks Jake. For the breakfast. And for yesterday, and you know, for letting me stay in your house and everything. It was quiet the surprise you know."

"My pleasure Sawyer." He kept staring at her oddly as he sat on the side of the bed. "You looked a mess yesterday. Only glad I was there to help. Can I ask what happened?" Peyton had so many questions for him, so she thought she'd give him a quick version and see how he had ended up finding her, but then she started talking and couldn't stop. She told him just about everything that had happened to her the past few years. She told him about Lucas, about her company, about Brooke, and Jason of course. The whole time he looked at her, making all the right one word responses in all the right places and holding her when she needed it. "Seems like you've had it a bit rough," he said when she'd finished.

Peyton laughed through her tears. She felt so good with Jake sitting there next to her and just having a chance to talk about it all.

"Your turn. Where's Jenny?"

"With my parents and my fiancé. Disney World for the week. That's why I came down to Tree Hill. They've been bugging me about letting them take Jenny down there and spending more time with Jess, and I needed some quiet to work on some stuff, so I thought we'd kill two birds with one stone. Plus, I wanted to see you." Peyton couldn't help but smile. "I'm glad you're here, and I want to hear more about this Jess character! Congrats by the way! And hey, we needed to talk business too at some point."

"I'm sure we can work it in. But first you have some phone calls to make."

Peyton sat straighter. She'd forgotten Mia. Jake handed her her cell phone and she turned it back on and quickly dialed Mia.

"Peyton!?"

Peyton was almost deafened by the scream on the other line.

"Where the hell have you been? We've been so worried about you! Lucas and Brooke came down here looking for you, and then we couldn't find you and they caught Jason, and Peyton we were so worried!"

"I'm so sorry. Really I am. I just got all wrapped up in things and I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't mean to make you guys worried, but I'm ok. I'm back in Tree Hill" Peyton could see Jake laughing out of the corner of her eye. She gave him a quick slap on the back of the head.

"Well, you better call Brooke and Lucas. They're worried sick about you. Then I want you to call me back with all the details. Jason didn't remember shit, all he could say was his sides hurt. I want details ya hear?"

"Alright, thanks Mia. And I'm really sorry."

Peyton closed the phone and looked at Jake laughing on the side of the bed. She dreaded the next call. Brooke was going to be furious, not to mention Luke. She couldn't believe they drove all the way up to Atlanta. And to be honest, she wasn't sure she wanted to face them right now. She liked spending quiet time with Jake in his old room. It reminded her of times that were kinder.

"Jake, how did you find me? What were you doing down by the cemetery?"

Jake was silent for a minute. "I was looking for you actually. I happened by Brookes store, and one of the ladies inside told me you lived in Tree Hill currently and gave me an address. I went and Brooke actually answered the door, said you were missing. She was really upset. I should have gotten her number before I left, she's really worried sick about you. She said they didn't even know if you were in Tree Hill, that they'd checked all the old haunts and didn't see you around. So I thought I'd just check one more time, and the cemetery was the first place I went actually. And there you were."

Peyton was silent for minute soaking it all in, then shook her head in amazement "Jake, you're always there for me when I least expect it."

"But I wasn't there enough," he responded in a whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm really happy now Peyton. Jessica is an amazing girl, and Jenny loves her. But sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I didn't let you go. If I had been there for you in all the ways you wanted me too."

Peyton was silent for a minute, and she thought back to the night she'd gone back to look for Jake. He had told her that if she still missed him, he would be waiting for her. She had come back to Tree Hill, just in time for Brooke's show for Haley and Nathan. She thought about all the 

things she'd wanted in her life. She loved Lucas, but it was so hard loving Lucas and she knew she wanted Jake. She loved Jake and Jenny too, and she could give up everything for them and be happy for the rest of her life. She'd gone back, and she knocked on the door, and banged on it, screaming. But no one was there.

"I went back for you Jake." She had trouble finishing. "You weren't there."

Jake was silent for a minute too then whispered "Nikki was making threats again, and this time via her older brother and another lawyer. We couldn't stay, and I didn't know how to get word to you, or if you even wanted to know."

Tears came to Peyton's eyes and Jake wiped them off. "Of course I wanted to know. . . But it worked out" she said grabbing his hand and holding it, smiling. "I really do love Lucas, even if it wasn't in the same way I loved you. And my record company is beyond amazing. I didn't think in a million years I could have something so wonderful. I don't think I could have had that if we'd gotten married so young." As Peyton spoke about her record company and about her love for Lucas, he eyes began to get brighter.

Jake smiled and nodded his head, noting the shift in her and deciding to rearrange his own plans. "I'm actually leaving tomorrow, meeting the family up in Disney Land. Let's go get some ice cream or something."

"I've got a better idea. Let's go down to the studio. I want to hear your stuff. I think I might be staying in Tree Hill awhile after all."

Jake blushed. "Alright. But first you better call Brooke."

Peyton dialed Brooke, taking her time, dreading the consequences of this phone call. She purposely held the phone away from her ear slightly.

"P. Sawyer! How could you! You didn't call, we looked everywhere, we were so worried! You should see Lucas, he's a mess! I'm a mess for that matter! You are in SO much trouble young lady!"

Peyton smiled again as she watched Jake clutch his stomach, doubled over from laughing too hard. Brooke was so loud Peyton was sure the neighbors could hear her yelling.

"I'm sorry Brooke. Really I am. I just, I wasn't ready for home, or anything else for that matter. . ."

Peyton heard the doorbell ring, and Jake got up to answer it. While Brooke was yelling at her some more, Peyton thought she heard Lucas' voice.

"Brooke, where's Lucas?"

"He's right here . . .or he was . . ."

"I better go. I love you, and I'll call you later"

Peyton hung up before Brooke could say another word. She pulled the bed covers off of her, and tried to stand up. It was a little difficult considering she'd barely eaten anything. Her head starting spinning and her legs felt weak. She tripped as she tried to walk out towards the door, but before she fell a pair of strong arms caught her from behind.

"You can never, ever do that to me again."

Peyton turned around and buried her face in Lucas' shoulder, grabbing him around the waist and holding him to her. She found comfort in his smell, in the familiar contours of his body, and the feel of his breathing in the smell of her hair as he held her close. She wanted this. She didn't want to be that person she was yesterday. And the only way she was going to do that was to be honest. She loved Lucas, god knows she did. But she didn't know if she trusted him.

"I'm sorry Lucas, but I was scared."

"Jason's gone baby. He's locked up."

"That's not what I was scared of the most."

Lucas pulled back and looked into Peyton's green eyes, already filling with tears. He hated to see her cry, it made his heart break, and it felt like something was pushing down on his chest, making it hard for him to breathe.

"Lucas. I love you."

"I love you too Peyton.

"No Lucas, I really really love you. When you left me that night in the hotel room, after you had asked me to marry you, I -- I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to chase after you. I couldn't believe you'd left me. But I didn't. I didn't come after you because I was mad at you, mad at you for being just like everyone else. For leaving, Lucas. I can take some asshole thinking that my bruises will make him feel better. I can take it, those wounds will heal in a week. But the thought of you leaving me like that, of not understanding me enough to let me go for my dreams, Lucas. . . I thought I was chasing Jason because I was mad at Jason. But I didn't, I went after him because I was mad at myself for letting you back in, mad at you for making it hard, mad at life for just singling me out every god damn time. If you love me Lucas, I want you to mean it this time. Because I can't live without you. I really can't. And I want nothing more than to let you all the way in, but it's so hard. . ."

Peyton tried to continue, to restate her feelings in another way, some way to make him understand, to make him feel what she was feeling, but then he responded in a way that made it completely unnecessary. She felt his lips press against hers as he pulled her closer to him, the heat of his body radiating against hers, reassuring her. This was certainly worth the risk.


End file.
